SCARIER than halloween

As promised only a day ago and as full proof of soVIPzone's return to regular business I proudly present you with my personally selected list of the most disgusting features of the season.
Every season thousands of new commercials start showing up on TV and on the papers and magazines and it is us who, in the end, have to bear with the fact of having to take one more look at it. Yes, it gets scary, gross and annoying. Have a look at my "favourites".

Let me begin with this unbelievably classy brand that Guess is. Taking that taste is something flying around the air of Guess' corridors, it should not come as a surprise that they managed to take tackiness to a WHOLE new level splashing a black and white picture of a hooker on the new ad for "Guess Gold", the brand's newest perfume. If it smells like the ad it's not good; not by far.
Something I have noticed since I arrived in London is how amazingly popular UGGs are. I never thought this Hollywood-created trend would last for so long in a city this fashion-forward. However, success has not meant anything positive for the brand. UGG's new creations are more appropiate for Skechers. Don't buy them, hopefuly they'll stop when they go to bankruptcy.



Now, once again, i signori Domenico Dolce and Steffano Gabbana have decided to keep going wild, and cheesy. If last season's "Animalia" line devoted to leopard prints wasn't enough, they chose to make it a constant for this Fall's D&G line. Just swell. I name leopard prints the top annoying trend of all times. But, wait, this is not all. Dolce & Gabbana also appears in this list for providing us with the most tasteful collection of adverts including random naked studs. How lovely. (Steven Klein, my prayers are with you. We'll all forget you ever shot this).
Should we talk about lack of originality? Miu Miu surprised me a lot a few seasons back when they started those intense and plastic-coloured ads on magazines, I thought it was quite innovative and interesting. However, when you try to squeeze this sort of invention and make exact-looking commercials for seasons, there's just nothing interesting about it anymore. The same occurs with those shocking Dolce and Gabbana metalic corsets from the Summer collection. They did look as a big statement back then, but reusing a successful item is simply wrong. Sorry.


I feel bad for her, she used to be cute and nice to look at. Not anymore. Keira Knightley and her ludicrous obsession of looking skinnier than Michael Jackson high on kid-candy are at the point where it's not pleasant to stop and stare anymore. First it was the "Coco Mademoiselle" perfume advert for Chanel, where a hat covers the unexistant and bones pretend to be sexy. Then, on October's Vogue UK cover, there she was again; trying to look glamourous in a black gown with silver sequins like a moviestar from the 50's. Guess what? She did not pull it off. There was nothing to fill the dress, bones do not have any expression.

I would have never imagined, even in my wildest dreams —or nightmares—, that this was going to happen. Sasha Pivovarova, my russian baby, is featured in Swarovski's ads for Winter and they are beyond horrid. It is too painful looking at my gorgeous eastern beauty in that hideous clothing and wrong make-up. I'm here for you, hun.


Being a model has to be hard these days, that's for sure. But it means more hard work if you are a Lacoste model. They have been jumping around like crazy for a while; that has to be exhausting. Put on the next outfit, have your hair and makeup done and there, go, jump your butt off honey! Well, gotta make your living, right?
Versace's love for white was never a secret, they create their basic line based on white (like that hideous bag Britney carries everywhere) and mistakes are made, of course. This time, not only the background and the accessories of the ads are white, but all three dresses in it too. Is that supposed to be a statement? That Versace has enough skills as to come up with a whole collection in white and make it work? That is something only Valentino can do!

I love the fact that every season means the appearance of a new "IT" bag and I like even more that designers have to fight —in terms of business— with each other for only one to achieve this. But apparently watching this success from the outside makes you feel the strange urge of run and dive in the pool. Cartier —the old jewelery and watch house— decided to go for it and create a bag. There is actually nothing special nor horrible about it, but it is because of this that it means an insult as "it" bags have to be out there and be desired.
Mr. Michael Kors used to be object of my respect, a person I would refer to as "the American Giorgio Armani" and this is a name I do not dare to use in vain, you know that. But lately Mr. Kors has decided to sort of let go and make others choose his advertisments for every collection even when the latter are not the brightest of his career. This season's paper ads are dumb, like they hired a just-got-out-of-uni publicist. I hate it. And speaking of dumb. Some months ago the italian denim brand Diesel prepared a set of attention-catching commercials with "funny" statements at the bottom. Well, NOT FUNNY! They have been keeping on doing them non-stop now and, yes I want to buy their jeans —that's not new!— but I also feel a very strong desire of stabing myself in the eye.


I have saved the best for the end, as you do with dessert. Two words: Jennifer Hudson. One word: Yuk! I'm not a fan, you know that, but which kind of person would look like a hook-ish Ursula from The Little Mermaid to promote Avon??!!! If that look and that face —and God! that voice and accent— were not enough, she decided to use her beauty and talent to be the face of the most random company ever (with all my respect to Avon). Jenny, Jenny, you sneaky thing!


And now, for the grand finale, give it up for Spanish stars —and now designers?— Penélope and Mónica Cruz!! The Spanish brand Mango has very wise management, get a couple of stars and make them tell everyone they "collaborated" on the designing of the line. The result: uncountable sales! The problem with this is that not only Penélope is annoying to death or that they did not do a thing concerning "their" designs or that the clothes are "blah"; the problem is that wherever you went this fall you would find them in billboards, buses, magazines, newspapers... are milk bottles next?
Anyway, the season's news are pretty much done so we can rest for a little while until Spring kicks in and we'll have to put up with the usual crap.

I'm off.

PS. Stay tuned for an update next week: "Hottest items of the season".

UPDATE!: soVIPmusts for women and men have been updated!